spiritwalks | Deer Country Inbox

That's... about what I thought.

You'd tell me it was okay not to be okay, right?

[He bows his head, lets out a quiet breath...and simply says:]

...Yeah.

Then... why do you 'have to' be okay? When you aren't?

Because...

[Vyng trails off. He doesn't entirely know why. All he knows is that it's always been that way — from the moment his father walked out on him and his mother. From then on, he carried a false truth with him like a ball and chain: That he had no real worth...beyond what would make others want to stay.

His dirty little secret. A monster only he could see when confronted with his personal truth on the deck of the Purifier. How does he even voice something like that? How can he?

In the end, all he can say is:]

There's nowhere for me to go. Except forward. For my family.

[Well... if that doesn't hit a nerve, nothing does. Nowhere to go but forward, because there are people depending on you. Because you have to. If you don't, there's no one else who can, there's no one else for people to fall back on.]

[You're left there, holding on when you just want to fall apart. You have to be fine. You have to stand there and say "I'm fine".]

I...

I understand.

[He completely understands. And he's sure Vyng knows that. They've known each other long enough to figure that out.]

I'm here, though. For whatever I can do. Whatever we can do - you're important to us, Vyng. I don't know if there is anything, but - please, if there ever is. Ask me? Ask us?

[Because by now, he doesn't even have to ask his husband for support on this. He knows.]

[Vyng lets out a slow breath. He figured Shiro, of all people, would understand. Of course, Vyng can't exactly say he sees himself as the family's backbone. Tuck and Billie got along just fine without him before, and he has no doubt they could do it again. But still...Vyng wants to do right by them. To love them with everything he's got.

He's happiest that way.

To be honest, he can barely bring himself to talk much about his issues with his closest friends and family — at least, not without getting asked point-blank. And even then, he tends to stay scarce on details.

But he does know...if he's ever backed into a dark place? If he's on the verge of corruption or beasthood? He has people who'll stick their necks out for him. Every time, without a second thought. And in a place like Trench, that's worth more than all the gold in the world.]

I know. [He quietly smiles.] Even if it's two in the morning. I can always count on you to put up with my bullshit.

Hey, you've put up with enough of mine.

[For a long time now. For so much crap. He's pretty sure Vyng has put up with more from Shiro's end than the other way around. After all, Shiro's the one whose crap doesn't ever seem to resolve itself.]

[So maybe that's why he gets it like this.]

I don't know if there's a solution here, but I do know we're here to help you. In ways that don't have to involve fighting. Or getting sick.

[For all their similarities, Vyng isn't so sure Shiro would understand the complexities of shapeshifting, the nuance of Druidic culture, and the total upheaval of one's identity. But...he's also been on his own long enough to understand the value of a warm shoulder to lean on. He greatly values Shiro's friendship.

The offer is accepted with a grateful dip of his head.]

Thank you.

My memory of the Dream is still kinda fuzzy in places. But I do know you were always there whenever I needed you most.

Any time.

[Hopefully, Vyng knows that. Hopefully he knows how willing Shiro is to always be there. As much as possible.]

And so were you. You always have, since we met. I can't tell you how much that means, Vyng. So I'll do the same for you.

We're family, aren't we? That's what family does.

Yeah, Vyng. Yeah, we are.

Thanks for checking in.

Any time.

[He'll let Vyng be, though, for now. But so long as his friend knows they're available, they're here for him... that's enough.]

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